One Life

There are two parts to this blog post.  One is a lot heavier than the other.  It’s your choice if you don’t want to read the other half.   I just had to get it off my chest because it hurts and I’m tired.  I have a few more blog posts coming up that are MUCH lighter in the next few days, so I will return to writing about my ONE LIFE tomorrow.

One Life-Part one

I believe we all get one shot at this thing called Life.  That’s it.  One.  I believe that once we are done there is one of two places that we go and we don’t get a 2^nd chance.  So why aren’t we running at the things we dream of?  Doing the things we dream of seeing?  Loving the people we dream of loving?  Eating what we wish to eat? Taking risks and chances?   Chasing dreams?

I always try to write about my bucket list experiences that I complete, big or small.  (I will admit some do take a while to be written. Haha #badblogger) It always makes me so sad to hear of a young person who died or even someone in their 50’s who died. 

Chances are the old person is waiting on retirement, but what happens if you get to retirement and your knees won’t get you to the top of that mountain you have dreamed of climbing?  What happens if your finances are wiped out?  What happens if the person you want to retire with isn’t around?  What happens if you aren’t around?

Chances are they didn’t do everything on their bucket list, or chances are greater that they didn’t have a list at all, just a couple of sentences that were spoken of “one day”. 

One day is TODAY!!  Don’t wait until you are retired to go anywhere.  Plan them for THIS YEAR.  Big or small, something that you have wanted to do is not too expensive that you can do this month (or sooner!).

Yeah, yeah, but….I’ve got bills…Work is too busy…My kids are too young…My kids need me…My work needs me…I don’t have anyone to go with…It’s too expensive…I’m too old…I’m too young…My husband/wife doesn’t want to go….

NO!  No buts.  Do something that you will remember years from now.  Life is way too short to wait. 

When I turned 29 I realized that I was full of a lot of “buts”.  I hadn’t really done much in my life.  I made my 30 under 30 list and did them! And then I made a bucket list afterwards.  I am slowly but surely checking them off, one by one.  I hope to finish all of them, but only God knows which ones I will complete before I am taken to Heaven.  As I get older, I am holding mortality in a much higher regard. 

If you need help with your list, look at mine.  I would LOVE to help you do some of them! :)

*Note, I’m not encouraging going into tons of debt to pay for that dream vacation!  I’m just saying to chase your dreams.

On Addictions-Part Two

I don’t talk about this situation much because it makes me so sad.  My real dad is an addict and has relapsed once again.  I have been dealing with it the past 35 years and I’m tired.  For 35 years I have had to watch him struggle to get his demons in control, and watch him hurt the people I love.  Don’t get me wrong, his demons are very real and they are painful. He had a very rough childhood.  I only know a short number of his memories and I can see why they are real and painful.    I know he is the hardest on himself though.

Any day now I wouldn’t be surprised to hear my dad had a heart attack due to his meth use (oh wait, he already did that) or hurt someone (did that many times), went off on someone (ditto), over dosed (thankfully, not yet), etc.  He was recently in an accident while on meth and broke both of his feet, and shattered one of them.  When you deal with someone you love having a major addiction for 35 years, you become numb to hearing it all. 

I can cry and stress about it, but until he controls it for himself, it won’t do you any good to try to help. HE has to make the decision to change.

You also have to realize that you aren’t just hurting yourself, you are hurting the ones you love.  My earliest memory is being pushed against a wall and being screamed at because I did something (don’t remember what).  I rolled my head to the side to look at my mom and sister, just holding hands because they couldn’t do anything.  That is my very first memory.  No child should have to deal with that.

My pretend used to be cutting lines of cocaine and snorting them.  True story.  I was less than 4. 

We all have our demons and addictions.  I am clearly addicted to food.  It is something I can control.  Being a child of an addict, you don’t have much control (actually, being a child, you don’t have much control).  Luckily, I had my awesome mother to snap out of it and get us out. I have to make the decision to change myself.  My life is my life. I am in control of my decisions and heart breaks.  You have to want to take control, you kids for darn sure can’t make you want to change.

God has blessed you with kids or other people in your life, don’t you want to change to see them hit their dreams and goals?  If you are an addict (whatever addiction), would you want your kids to have the same addiction as you?  Probably not, so why do it to yourself? 

The thing is, my dad is the coolest person.  Everyone LOVES him the second you meet him...that is when he's not on Meth.  He's an angry, controlling, paranoid person when he does drugs.  I only bring people around when he's not using because no one should be exposed to that.

When I was in college I hardly partied, ever.  I realized a few years ago that it was because I like being in control.  I don’t want to get messed up and not remember what I did.  That makes me so scared and doesn’t sound fun at all.  Even to this day I hardly drink and haven’t touched drugs.  I know I have an addictive personality that could easily spiral out of control if I go down that road.  People still ask me why I don’t drink, but I rarely say why.

Take control of YOUR life today.  Get a handle on those addictions like smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, porn, gambling, Pokemon (IDK), or other addictions that are holding you back.  It’s not easy.  I get it, but you don’t want to be dying from a meth overdose and look back at your life you messed up because of your addictions.  People are counting on you.

You get ONE LIFE.  Just one.  Don’t waste it on "some day's" and addictions.  I am begging you.