Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Ending a long term relationship

We’ve been together for as long as I can remember. Neither of us has gone out of the way to celebrate anniversaries but it’s been what; close to 15 years now? My goodness. I guess as far as relationships go - we haven’t set any world records for longevity, but it’s been what often feels to me like a lifetime.

What can I say? You’ve been with me through good and bad times alike. In the beginning, I remember that we didn’t jump into things right away, but rather we slowly eased into our relationship, little by little. We’ve become so close -- inseparable, some might say, that for a time I couldn’t even imagine life without you. Even though it’s not what I necessarily wanted for myself, I assumed we would be together, always.

Maybe it was my insecurity that kept me with you for so long, or perhaps I simply became too complacent. Often times I didn’t even think about the troubles we were having, and lived somewhat comfortably -- though looking back now, I realize I was in denial. Sure, there were plenty of days when I suspected I could do so much better, but I never had the guts to separate myself from you.
I think it was your mean streak that finally made me start seeing things in a whole new light. You were never the complimentary type, but at some point you really began to influence my moods and self-worth. You made me feel bad when I tried on new clothes -- especially if I had gained some weight and had to go up a size from the previous year. Oh, and when I tried on bikinis? There you were…mocking me! Making me feel ashamed and ugly…sometimes I even cried! During those times how I wished I could’ve just walked away right then and there, but I knew that it would take some planning and time before I could completely remove you from my life. How is it that I stomached everything you put me through for so long??

I think you suspect that something’s up -- I can see the difference in you. I can tell you want to hang on -- and you know what? Be my guest. It’s a desperate tactic, really -- and it won’t work forever. Every day brings me just a little closer to being free of you forever.
Muffin Top, your days are numbered. Let’s keep this last bit of time we’ll have together as civil as possible, shall we?


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