Jabba's 2nd Angel Birthday

Today is Jabba's 2nd Angel Birthday!  He has been in Heaven acting as a fluffy angel for two years now and seeing my favorite pictures still gets to me.

I know I need to let it go, and for the most part I have, but there are times I miss him so much.  I see something that reminds me of him like this little orange and white cat coin purse I saw at the store the other day.  I actually teared up because the cat on the coin purse look just like him with his little white nose.  I almost bought it but then I decided I might tear up every time I saw it and I don't want that.

Or sometimes I find a computer file that pertains to him or a picture tucked away in a drawer that I didn't expect to see at that moment.  It's the times when I am not expecting to see something of his that is the hardest.

Some days when I see something I want to see a picture.  My niece had on the 4th of July glasses Jabba is wearing in the photo above and I told her those were Jabba's.  She didn't understand because, obviously, the everything in the world is her's, but I knew they were at one time his.  I searched for about 20 minutes until I found that picture to show her.  Really, it was to show myself that I am OK to see his picture sometimes and it's OK to seek pictures of him sometimes.

One day I will get another cat and he will have a place in my heart.  Today though, my heart is not ready for another one and I need someone to help me share the love first.  I need a spouse to love and then we can add babies and pets.


Happy Birthday, Baby Boy!  Go float on a cloud today and eat some (calorie-free) catnip treats!!!

Jabba's 1 year Angel Birthday

Today marks one year that my dear baby boy went to Heaven to hang out with Jesus.  I am a little sad (OK, a lot!) but I know that he is having fun, eating a lot of catnip treats (without calories!), and hanging out on clouds.  It’s not fair to be sad when Angel birthdays are a good thing for those that get them, only us on Earth are sad.  I can celebrate with him in spirit though.

I am planning on going to my sister’s house on Sunday (Jabba is buried there) and bring cupcakes (for me and my nephews) and catnip treats for him and my sister’s cats.  Who doesn’t love a good party or a good cupcake?! 

I have been sad all year about him and other things that have happened to me but it is time for me to step out and be all that God created me to be.  I can’t live a small life anymore, I am destined for greatness.  I can choose to live in the past, future or my present.  I am going to live in the future.  Today I will release what has happened over the last few years and press on.  I think God knew that I would need some time to process what all has happened over the past few years (that hasn’t all made it to this blog) and has been preparing and clearing a path for me.

So, this weekend in honor of Jabba’s 1^st Angel birthday, will YOU please join me in stepping out of your comfort zone and being the person God wants you to be?  When you take control of your life and be who you are destined to be, God will bring you to places you never thought possible.  I’m excited for the journey!  You have no right to live small when you are meant for more.

 I can’t wait for Jabba to greet me at those gates (along with Jesus, my grandfather and many others I have and will lose before I get there) and jump in my arms to celebrate me living my life to the fullest.  We only get ONE life on this Earth.  Do you want to be sad and mope about what has happened to you or would you rather leap abundantly into your future that God created before you were born?  The choice is yours to make.

Happy Angel Birthday, Jabba!!! See you in Heaven.

God Cheered Me Up With Diamonds

Last Saturday, 10/18, God cheered me up with diamonds!  Let me explain…

I am planning on moving out of my apartment towards the end of November and I also needed to donate Jabba’s stuff.  One, because I cannot  bear to look at all his stuff anymore and two, because another animal needs stuff, three, my heart isn’t healed enough to get another animal any time soon.  I have been gathering his stuff in a big pile so I could donate it to the local shelter, Citizens for Animal Protection.  I didn’t get Jabba at this shelter, I got him at the Pearland shelter, but this one is local and a nonprofit (Pearland is a government ran pound).  I am not sure if they are going to use his food for the animals, or if they are going to sell it at their pet shop, but it all goes to the animals!

My kid had collected quite a bit of stuff in the 3.5 years of his life with me.  I didn’t realize that he had so much stuff!  We had to bring all of it on a big cart since it was so much.   Some of it was:  ½ box unused litter, a case of wet food (metabolism food from Jabba’s diet), dry food, unused litter box, toys, grooming brush, catnip Treats, litter scooper and hand held litter broom, plus more that I can’t remember right this second. 

Anyway, as I was putting it all in the pile I was crying because I miss him so much!  I had to make two trips to my car because it was too much for me to carry.  On the way back to my apartment I looked down at the ground and saw a diamond ring on the ground.  Yes, a diamond ring!!!!  I need to get it appraised, but everyone I have shown it to says it’s real.  I would post a picture, but I need the owner to describe it if they call and I don’t want a phony call!

I called my apartment complex and let them know that I had found a ring.  They told me that I could drop it off and I said no way!  I was not about to drop off a diamond ring somewhere and hope that it finds the right owner, so I told them to have the person call me if they ask about it.  Of course they will have to describe it, but I will give it back if it is theirs.  I don’t want to keep it if the owner calls me.

So, God was trying to cheer me up with diamonds that day!  What a good God he is! :)


p.s.  Citizens for Animal Protects (C.A.P.S.) is having a raffle for a new Suburu.  Go here to enter the raffle!

One Month Gone

On Saturday, September 13th, 2014 my heart was broken in two when I came home to find my Jabba the Hutt had died while I was not home.  It’s been a month and I still can’t believe that he is gone.  I am not sure what happened or what time he passed, but all I know is that God needed him in Heaven more than I needed him on Earth.  (God must have needed him a whole bunch, because I am not sure what I am going to do without him).  

 

Hiding from the papparazzi :)

It took me awhile to write this post because I really didn't know what to say. Do I just write funny stories about him?  Post funny pictures?  Tell you what has been going through my mind for the past few weeks?  I'm still not sure, and I might end up updating this post or writing another one soon.  I just don't want to forget him, but I want to forget this awful feeling in my heart.  Is it OK to want to get rid of all his stuff because I can't bear to look at it?  Is it OK that I want to move out of my apartment because I keep staring at the spot that I found him?  Part of me wants to move, but part of me doesn't want to let go of the things that were his.  How can I leave the last place that he was?  Will it be harder to leave this place knowing that he died here, or will it be harder staying here with these memories?

 

Checking out this blog.  Jabba was a high tech cat.

I woke up that morning planning (to Jabba as normal) on going to a funeral that morning (my sister's sister in law passed away the Monday before-we were fiends too, we went to high school together).  I had taken a shower and brought Jabba outside so he could inspect his 'kingdom' like he normally does.  I always sit on the porch or steps and make sure he doesn't go outside his boundaries, but otherwise let him roam.  That morning it was raining outside, so we both just stayed on the porch. We stayed out somewhere between 15-30 minutes that morning, sometimes we have stayed out longer than that. I cannot remember exactly what happened that morning, but I either got up to go inside for a second to put something up, or I made him come inside so I could keep getting dressed.  I can't remember what happened and it hurts my heart to think that I might have made him come inside on his last day.  It already makes me sad that he couldn't roam his territory that morning because of the rain, but if I made him come in, that would make it worse.

I finished getting dressed and gave him treats.  I told him bye and walked out the door, never to see him alive again.  I went to the funeral and to my grandparents afterward.  I stayed at my grandparents for a while and left around 7:30 or 8.  On the way home, it was weird. Something in my mind kept telling me over and over that I needed to be prepared if something were to happen to him and what I would do.  I kept telling myself (or the voice in my head) that nothing was wrong with him and he would be with me for a long time. 

I got home and turned on the light right inside the door.  Jabba normally is either on the couch or somewhere in my room and he comes running around the corner to greet me.  I put my purse down and called him, thinking it was weird that I hadn’t heard him. I looked up and saw him on the floor by the couch and I called his name, but he didn’t move.  I ran over to him and shook him, but I knew that he was gone.  I started crying and called my mom hysterically.  She kept trying to calm me down and told me to get out of the house, but I knew I couldn’t drive like that.  I was hyperventilating and sobbing uncontrollably.  My mom suggested I find a neighbor to help, so I did.  I have a few neighbors that knew Jabba and they came over to help move him.  My family kept calling, but I did not want to talk to anyone.  My sister called and said they were going to pick me up and I could stay at their house for a while if I wanted to and I could bury him at their house.

Jabba was my world.  I loved him so much and in an instant he was gone.  Jesus either needed him in Heaven more than I needed him on Earth, or he has something in mind for me that I couldn’t have Jabba for.   I never knew who Jabba’s old owner was (he was a rescue from the pound and was an owner turnover), but I believe he was an older man.  Hopefully Jabba saw him when he got up to Heaven (not like I would want someone dead, but I think the old owner had died/went into a senior citizens home and they gave him up).

We buried him in my sisters (big) back yard by a tree.  I had wrapped him in a flamingo beach towel and added his favorite toy (mousey).  I also wrote him a letter and added it to his (cardboard) coffin that my brother-in-law made.  I ordered a headstone on Etsy to put where he is buried.  Hunter and Cole both wanted to put flowers on Jabba’s grave, so we went back there and added them to it.  Cole didn’t quite understand why we were doing that and Cole kept saying “Why you’s crying?” and “Where’s Jabba?”  He’s only 3 and the concept of death isn’t something he quite grasps.

My friend Krista gave me a sweet necklace to remember him by.   It says ‘Jabba’ on one circle and ‘My angel with paws’ on the outer circle. I love it and try to wear it every day. I take it off when I take a shower and when I work out so it won’t get broken.  I am also planning on making a photo book of all his pictures that I have taken of him for the last 3.5 years.  My sister is better at making photo books, so I am sure I will recruit her to help me.

So, now it’s all about creating ‘new normals’.   I can sleep in past 5:11 am everyday and no one will be stepping on me and purring by my head to make sure he gets to eat.  I don’t have to worry about kicking him at the foot of the bed and I can eat a can of tuna without having him beg at my feet.  I can stay at friends and families houses without worrying about how he is doing or if I need to call a pet sitter to come and feed him.  Or when I had to go outside with him when it was hot outside or cold outside and he wanted to inspect his kingdom.

But honestly, I would gladly live through all of those ‘quirks’ about him that I used to find annoyingly cute.  I miss him so much and I want him back.  God has him now and I need to accept that.  It makes it easier knowing that he is up in Heaven,  but not so easy when I need a cuddle buddy or someone to talk to.  Jabba was always there no matter what happened in my life.

I know that I will never find another pet like Jabba (chill with a hint of brattyness).  I am going to take a loooooong time to let my heart open back up to an animal.  I know I should adopt another one to save the rescue population, but my heart just isn’t up for it yet.  I don’t want another animal until I can share the pain with someone, but doing this on my own is really hard.  I have fallen in a deeper depression this month than I think I have been in a long time.  I am trying to claw my way out of it by keeping busy and exercising, but depression is no joke. 

 

This was the last photo I took of him, a few days before he died.  My camera click had woken him up.  He was cuddling mousey in his sleep.

It has been a long 1.5 years and I am ready for things to calm down and for me to stopped being so stressed and heart broken.  Every day is a challenge and I am trying to get back on my feet.  I normally don’t post stuff about what I am going through on the blog, but I am just trying to keep it real. 

Jabba the Milk Stealer

My kid smells milk from a mile away.  Every time I try and eat cereal, he is all up on me and won't go away until I give him some milk.  He also whines and whines and whines and whines when I make tuna too.

Anyway, I tried to be sneaky and put it in a cup instead of a bowl, but alas, it did not work. :/  I thought it was him just seeing the bowl, but it must be him smelling it.

I love his ears in this picture. LOL.

I think this is one of my new favorite pictures of him!

I just love his little paws!!!!

So, there you go.  Jabba is a milk stealer and he is too cute for me to do anything about it.

4th of July

How many times did I say that I am a bad blogger that  I don't get posts up on time?  A LOT! :)   Well, this post is only a few weeks late.  I've been known to have posts that are over a year old post late. LOL.

Happy 4th of July 'Merica!  Jabba wanted to show you his 4th of July picture!

Here he is sporting his cool flag shades.

Cutest cat ever!

 Jabba does not like to wear hats/scarves/sunglasses/ties at all.  It takes me forever to get one good picture, but he is so cute, I have too.  Honestly, it's been 3.5 years that I have had him, you would think he would just get used to it by now. I always give him a treat when I get a good picture.

New door wreath I made for the 4th!

I originally made this red and white wreath for Valentine's day, but then I procrastinated too long to add the ribbon and middle thing.  So, it became a 4th of July/Memorial Day wreath.  I need to add some more blue, but I like it like this too.

I went to my grandparents house on the 4th to hang out with them and me and my grandma went to see the Fault in Our Stars.  It was a really good movie!  Maw-Maw asked if the movie was sad and I said no. I only halfway knew it would be sad, considering it was about a cancer patient.  However, OMG, I balled like a baby!  It was super good though.

Jabba's New Trick

If you remember the other day when Jabba ate through the bag of food that was on the floor, you figured I needed to buy a plastic container to put his food in.  Great, no problem.  I did that.  Well, wouldn’t you know that someone has learned how to open said container? 

 

I really just don’t know what to do with that child.  I mean seriously!  Obviously, his diet is not working.  I need a Plan B.

Jabba's Late Night Feast

Jabba, Jabba, Jabba.  Shakin’ my head.  I love my sweet fur child, I really do.  He makes me laugh every day.  Yesterday I bought him a big bag of food, and not thinking; I left it by the front door and went to bed.

 

This morning I woke up to my alarm and not to Jabba.  For those of you who do not know Jabba, Jabba likes to make sure I am going to wake up to feed him.  Each morning my alarm goes off at 5:11 am, but Jabba starts to wake me up at 4:30 am (ish) ‘just to be sure’ I will wake up.  He sits on my back, he purrs REALLY loud, he does acrobatics in the bed and the entire bed shakes, or he bits my foot and/or puts his wet nose to my arm or foot.  EVERY MORNING!  This morning was different though, there was no purring or acrobatics, it was just an alarm.  I looked over at him to be sure he was ok, and he looked away quickly (afraid he was going to get in trouble I’m sure!).

I walked into the living room to get his food and he didn’t follow me.  Jabba usually wakes the neighborhood up with his meowing until I give him his food.  Today he just stood back and watched me.  I picked up the bag and noticed a hole in it…

 

At some point during the night, Jabba ate a hole out of the bag and had himself a feast!  I knew it was Jabba because 1.  I don’t have mice (eww!) and 2.  The bag was wet like he had been licking it!  My weird child.

Usually he gobbles up his food like he never has eaten, but I’m sure he was still so full from his late night treat that he didn’t care about the food in his bowl.  Well, except for the wet food, he LOVES wet food.

All I could do was laugh because he is too cute to get mad at, and well, it’s his food.  It’s not like he chewed a hole in my shoe or purse.  <--that :="" a="" dog="" don="" have="" i="" is="" o:p="" t="" why="">

Happy Halloween

Jabba decided that this year he would like to be a lion for Halloween. I always call him my mountain lion, but he thinks that isn't "manly" enough so he wanted to be a real lion (and I couldn't find a mountain lion costume!).  He has been watching the Lion King lately. ;)

He also would like to say Happy Birthday to his Aunt Laura, who turns 34 today!

ROAR!!!!!!

Case of the Mondays

Someone has a case of the Mondays! Poor Jabba.

If I only had a doggie door

I sort of wish I had a doggie door if I did, I imagine it to look something like this when Jabba is going through it. I have been laughing all morning thinking about it. LOL. #poorjabba #diet #crazycatlady

Jabba’s New Diet

Everyone knows Jabba is a bit ‘fluffy’.  Obviously Jabba likes to eat, a lot.  Well last weekend Jabba started eating about half of his normal food.  When I would get home for the day, he would still have tons of kibbles in his bowl that he didn’t eat.  My kid is an eater so I knew he was getting sick.  About two weeks before I left for Africa, the same thing happened and I had to take him to the emergency vet.  

(New diet Day 1 and not in a good mood)

So on Saturday or Sunday when he stopped eating, I just hoped and prayed that he would get better and not throw up like last time.  On Tuesday though he threw up about 10 pm and I knew it was time to go back to the vet.  The next morning I took him to the vet’s office at 7:30 am before I headed in to work. I was hoping that they would see him right away, but it turns out that even though the vet’s office opens right at 7 am, he actual vet does not get there until 9 am.  I was debating whether or not I should just go home until 9 am and then take him, but I made the decision to leave him there and just call to check on him when the vet got there.  It was so heartbreaking to leave him there in a cage; I just knew that he was having flashbacks to when he was left at the shelter by his last owner. :/  Luckily there was a large (double) cage that he could rest in, instead of being cramped up in a small (regular) cage.  He refused to look at me the entire time I was there, I hoped he didn’t think he was being given up!  Heartbreaking! I think the nurses thought I was crazy. LOL.

So I called back around 9:30 am and they said that the doctor was just now checking up on him.  The doctor told me that they needed to run some blood work on him and also give him fluids so he wouldn’t get dehydrated.   Let me tell you, vet bills are expensive!  Jabba is worth it though, I don’t know what I would do without him.  

The next day she called me back to say that Jabba’ triglycerides were in the 300’s (normal is 100-150 for cats) and he has IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).  The triglyceride problem will hopefully be fixed with his weight loss, but the IBS will be a reoccurring problem.  The vet said that the IBS might be lessened with weight loss, but we will have to wait and see. 

When I picked up Jabba from the vet that afternoon around 1:30 pm, she had told me to stay and watch him for a few hours to make sure he didn’t throw up again.  He got home and I let him out of the cage, but he didn’t want anything to do with me.  I tried to sit by him once and all he did was get up and walk away.  Then I layed down by him, but he just looked at me and ‘meowed’ and walked away again.  He was not happy with me. Oh and he was also limping from where they took the blood out.  <--That was sad but I am hoping that he just has a flair for the dramatic and wanted to make me feel bad about getting tests done.

So, Jabba’s new diet.  They gave me a new food (dry and wet) to give him each day with very strict instructions on how much he is allowed to eat.  Normally he is my 5:11 am alarm clock each morning and he eats wet/dry food, and then at night he gets  a few kibbles.  That is his routine, and you don’t mess with Jabba’s routine.  He is allowed one scoop of wet food a day and 1 cup of dry food a day, so I give him ¾ cup in the morning with the wet food and ¼ at night.  I am already seeing a difference in his weight.  We have an appointment to see how well the new diet is working in a few weeks.

I was afraid that he wouldn't like his new food or treats since he is so picky.  He will only eat fish flavored wet food and catnip flavored treats.  I don't know if it tastes good or if he is just super hungry, but he is eating all of it!  Fingers crossed it will work.  I love having a big fluffy cat, but I want Jabba around for awhile so his health is my main concern.  He will still be super cute at 20 lbs.  <--The vet said that 20 lbs will be his weight loss max, he will be a boney cat at 20 lbs!

Look!  The treats are in the shape of little hearts!!  So cute.

Traveling to and from Kenya

We travelled on KLM airlines totaling 22 hours each way.  We left Houston around 3 pm Houston time (11 pm Kenya time) on Monday the 15^th and returned around 1 pm Houston time (9 pm Kenya time) on the 14^th.  I will just say that I loved traveling on KLM Airlines!  I have never been on a plane that long and wasn’t sure what to expect.  KLM had friendly staff and lots of options on the plane that I you don’t get on shorter flights.  Every time I have been out of the country it has been a short flight, so I was worried about the 22 hours of traveling.  I had googled KLM to see what they were like and what sort of food to expect, but there wasn’t much out there so I thought I would write about my experience.

My sister and my nephew Cole dropped me off at the airport around 12 pm after we had lunch at Pappasito’s.  I knew I wouldn’t get Mexican food again for a few weeks so we went there for my last pre Kenya meal.  They dropped me off and I was a bundle of nerves about the plane ride, the trip, my safety, and tons of other things.  I met Tarin and her husband Bill when I got there and we checked in together.  We got there in plenty of time to relax before our flight, so there was no need to rush.

The First and Second Legs

On our flight they gave each of us a blanket and pillow when we first sat down, along with a set of headphones that went with the free in-flight entertainment system.  The kids each got some sort of kids game set, but I didn’t see what was in it because I didn’t have any kids on my row (thank goodness!).  I did have a few screaming kids on all four legs of the trip though, that was pleasant.

I thought the meals on the plane tasted ok, but some people don’t like them.  There was several items that seemed weird to me, but in other countries it was probably normal food.  Each flight we had two meals, a snack, and beverage service several times.  It always seemed like they were giving us something.  Plus, we got a hot towel several times throughout the flight. <--Which I thought was weird, but apparently it is normal!  Overall, the food wasn’t bad, just some parts but that is what you should expect for being miles in the air.  

The first meal was dinner and it was chicken nuggets, salad, roll, crackers, cheese, and a cake.  The only thing I remember about this meal was the nuggets tasted weird and the salad had some odd ingredients (odd but tasty).  The cheese and cake were great!  I think I had wine for this meal, but I didn’t drink a lot of it since I only like sweet wines and this was chardonnay I believe.

The second meal was breakfast, but I was still sort of full from the last meal.  I do remember that this meal was gross so I didn’t eat much of it.  It was a sandwich, fresh fruit, blueberry muffin, and strawberry yogurt.  The sandwich was terrible, I only ate the bread and the yogurt tasted like diet yogurt with a weird aftertaste.  I saved the fresh fruit for another time, but never ate it.  Maybe the yogurt tastes normal to other people?

We stopped over in Amsterdam for a 4 hour layover.  I updated FB saying that we had made it to Amsterdam for my families’ sake since I couldn’t call, but after that I didn’t do much except watch tv with the Boston Marathon news coverage.  We landed and all the tv’s were covering a news story about Boston, but we hadn’t heard anything while in the air of course, so it was quite a shock when we landed to hear that one of the most famous marathons in the world had been a target of crazy people.  I was half way around the world and I couldn’t contact anyone.  

We got back on the plane for another long flight.  This flight left around 11 am from Amsterdam and was flying in to Nairobi, Kenya.   This flight gave us the same service as the last one, just with different types of food, including ice cream!

The first meal was lunch and it had rice, chicken with terrikai like sauce, crackers, cheese, salad, roll, and a creamy pastry dessert.  I loved this meal!  The salad had pineapples and some other odd ingredients, but it was still tasty.  The pastry cream dessert was my favorite thing I had on the entire trip!  Seriously, so good.  I asked for ginger ale on this trip, but they said it is only offered on flights to and from America. :/  Boo!  Oh well, give me ice cream!

The second meal was a pizza wrap/rollup thing, salad with pasta, fresh fruit, and cookies.  The pizza wrap was a bit tough to cut/chew, but it was tasty.  I have never had a salad with pasta in it, but it wasn’t bad, I liked it.  The cookie that they give you is a famous Amsterdam cookie that I actually bought a box of when I came back through.

We landed in Nairobi with no problems and found our driver to take us back. I will say that the Amsterdam airport is very nice and organized, but the Nairobi was needed some remodeling.

The Return Trip

Coming back from Kenya seemed to take forever.  I didn’t get much sleep on the entire way home, maybe a hour or two, even taking sleeping pills!  It seemed longer because I was ready to get home, back to my routine, my family, and my Jabba the Hutt. <-- I missed that bratty boy.

We got to customs and checked our bags.  In the US, once you get through security you don’t have to go through another one or get your passport checked, but in Kenya and Amsterdam we had to show our passport constantly.  It got annoying.  I bought a few postcards for the boys with animals on them to mail before I left.  They just got the ones from Kenya this week, but didn’t quite understand the purpose of postcards.  Oh well.

I didn’t take pictures of the food on the way back because it was the same as when I came over, minus a few exceptions.  I do remember that the chicken on the first meal was much better than the chicken on the way over, other than that I don’t remember what the differences were.

The layover in Amsterdam was about 4.5 hours this time so we walked around for a bit.  I had some extra Kenyan Shillings that I needed to get rid of so I converted it in the terminal. Tip:  Do not do that! I  lost about $20 total converting it over at the airport.  I didn’t have a choice so it didn’t matter, but in the future either spend it before you leave or convert it before you get to an airport.  

At the Amsterdam airport I shopped for a few things for the boys, bought some chocolates for my work, went to the art museum, and almost got a fish pedicure.  The art museum was free inside the airport, which was cool, but I didn’t see any ‘famous’ artists in it.  I am not an art lover so I couldn’t tell you if they were famous, but the artists I have heard of were not there.  We also saw a royal motorcade leaving the airport.  A local guy said that the royals have their own license plates and they had passed by the windows in a huge group.  That was cool, especially since the queen was passing the crown on to her son that day.  We also almost got a fish pedicure where you stick your feet in a big fish tank and the fish eat the dead skin off your feet.  Gross but cool.  It was really expensive (like $50) so I didn’t try it, but I wish I would have.  Maybe when I go to LA I will.

We got back into Houston around 1:30 pm and I collected my bags.  I said goodbye to Tarin, Bill, and Jane with promises to stay in touch. :)  Laura and Cole picked me up and took me back to their house for me to take a nap.  I slept basically from 3 pm to 6 am the next morning, with a few hours wakeup in between.  So tired!