Monday, July 1, 2013

Taking a Break


I will start by saying that I am truly so happy for you when you get married, dating someone new, have a baby, get engaged, buy a house, etc.  I just can’t take reading about it or hearing about it anymore.  I am 30 freaking 1 and I don’t have any of that stuff.  Yes, I have a great job that I make great money at, but I want all the other stuff.  When my friends in their early 20’s are getting engaged it makes me really sad.  Really sad.  I am so happy for them, but when will it be my turn?  Will I get a turn?  I do date and I do go out to meet guys, but it doesn’t happen for me.  Where the hell is he?!  Every time I see someone on FB have a happy moment, I truly am very happy for them, but it doesn’t make me feel good for myself.  I love seeing cute baby photos or family photos with baby daddies being good parents, but I want all that and then some.  When you walk around a public place and start counting people with babies or that are pregnant, you sort of think you lost it.

When your sisters who are 10 years younger than you start having babies, you wonder if it will ever happen for you.  Maybe I am not ready, maybe he isn’t, but seriously, what do I do to get ready!  I am tired of this.  When your parents say that you are the ‘good child’ for having a career instead of marriage, but you know that you want those things, it sort of kills you inside.  At Christmas we were walking around the neighborhood and I was pushing my nephew on his scooter thing.  We all stopped to look at something and then started walking again.  My nephew didn’t quite start going and he fell off and said ‘whoa’ (he wasn’t hurt, don’t worry) and my mother pats me on the back and says “this is why you don’t have children” and laughs.    That didn’t feel good. I know they don’t mean to make me feel bad, but it does.  

I have been trying this new thing for reading my Facebook newsfeed, but it hasn't worked very well.  If I see 3 things regarding a happy family, an engagement, a wedding, a pregnancy, etc I stop looking at Facebook for the day.  I know it sounds selfish, but it’s what I have to do not to break down and cry.  These thoughts have been in my head for awhile now, but in the last few months they have really gotten me down.  So, effective today I am going to take a break from Facebook.  I am not sure how long I will be boycotting it, but I will be uninstalling the apps and refusing to go to the website anymore.  

I will keep posting on here, but I did want to say (er, type?) my thoughts.  Apparently my blog has become my diary. :)



  1. Steph - That's one of the biggest problems with Facebook in my opinion. You see everyone's "perfect" life (because come on, not many people post the good AND the bad) and you start comparing yourself to them. It's tough to see, even for those of us who "have it all". I gave my husband some advice recently and it's really helped him so I'm going to give you the same advice. Start a physical or mental "blessings" list. I know this sounds super cheesy and "everything will be okay!", but it works. Try to find 1,000 blessings in one year (don't duplicate any of them) and you'll probably realize how blessed you are and that everyone has different blessings in their lives. I know that you will find a wonderful man and have lots of beautiful babies. I KNOW that. You are too beautiful and too good of a person not to. You are funny and fun to be around. In fact, I wish we hung out more. Your smile is infectious. Unfortunately, when you are in your late 20s and early 30s, it's hard to find the good guys. Most good guys are already married by now, but not all of them. He IS out there and he is probably feeling the same way you do. The best recommendation I can give you on that front (and this is from watching my friends over the past couple of years) is to go to a bigger church with more people your age (church guys are almost always good guys) and put yourself out there on eHarmony, Match, whatever (I know you have before, but sometimes you just gotta keep on trying). I have seen more serious relationships blossom out of these online communities (and out of church relationships) than anythings else. Unfortunately nobody meets people "out" anymore (at least not resulting in serious relationships). I am praying for you sweet girl and I am praying that God moves a little quicker in your life too. I hope this comment doesn't piss you off (sometimes my positivity pisses people off) or upset you more. I just really feel like it's going to happen for you.

    1. Thank you Sarah. Your comment did make me feel better, even though I did cry as I read it. I do need the positive thoughts coming my way.

      I will work on my 1,000 blessings list, thank you for suggesting that. I just cannot bring myself to try match or eharmony again, YUCK!

      p.s. We do need to hang out more. Maybe once my foot heals we can meet at Memorial Park or something.

    2. Sorry it made you cry, but don't give up. Maybe think about it as you are ONLY 31, not even halfway through your life and plenty of time to get married and have kiddos. Have you tried other sites besides match and eharmony? What about a professional matchmaker? What happened to your foot?